I remember when I was much much younger than I am now I read A LOT. I read everything that I could get my grubby little paws on. From the time I was two and a half I was nothing but a reading fool. I realized that there were worlds in them there books! One day, I'd have to say that I was about seven maybe even eight, I realized that people actually WROTE those books. There were companies that MADE those books. A dream started building....I wanted those same companies to make books that "I" wrote.
Let's jump ahead quite a few years.....life got in the way....children came along. The dream dropped back to a forgotten recess of my mind. After all, how could there be time to entertain a dream when there are noses to wipe and work to do? Somewhere along the way I'd forgotten.
Jump ahead a quite a few more years.....an epiphany hit......I STILL wanted to be one of those writers. The words Bantam and Scholastic ran through my dreams as I chased them through endless hallways. I sat down at a computer (that was back from the stone age I think) and started writing. I became a woman obsessed. Words flowed out of my fingertips like water. Granted I had no clue what I was doing, but it felt good. I was going to be the next Hemingway, the next Shakespeare, heck even the next J K Rowling or something! It was going to be fabulous! The bucks were going to start rolling in!
Yeah, I'd only forgotten one small little detail. Things never come that easily. All of those wonderful books that I'd fallen in love with before I knew what boy/girl love was, they were written by people that worked on those books. They worked darned hard too. I know because I've been working my fingers to the bone writing this stuff.
Now that I know that there is a process that's involved I've been splitting my focus. Working out how the process works, trying to keep my creativity spinning so those words still keep flowing. But, I'll tell you what, it's nice to know that my dream is still alive. The dreams of me chasing all of those wonderful publishing companies are gone. They have been replaced by the physical chase. Only now I know a little more than I did going into it. But ultimately, I wouldn't have it any other way.
It's a great feeling remembering something about yourself that had so long ago been buried in the recesses of your mind. It's as if all of the pieces of you are returned. Especially since for all the time that I wasn't honoring or even remembering that dream I'd felt like I was only half there. Like I was on some strange auto-pilot. Now, I'm the captain of my own ship, the flyer of my own destiny. Will this ride ever stop? I really hope not.